Dumb Domme: Why I Fucking Love Rope Bondage

male bondage pics.jpg

I became interested in BDSM when I met my boyfriend two-and-a-half years ago. He identified as submissive and it didn't take long for me to assume the dominant role in our relationship. While we fell into a D/s (dom/sub) dynamic naturally, the technical skills – the practices and techniques that make kinky sex kinky – have not come so easily.

I enjoy kinky sex, but I'm not always good at it. My ineptitude is equal parts inexperience and clumsiness; I often suffer more S&M related bumps and bruises than my masochistic partner... and I'm the sadist. The irony is not lost on me.

I'm lucky to have a patient submissive – he is far more patient with me than I am. I want to be good at everything (right now!) and I'm insecure about where I fall short. For that reason, sometimes I focus too much on the toys, tools, and techniques involved in certain kinds of kinky sex.

Am I holding this flogger correctly?

How many different sized butt plugs do I really need?

Exactly how many anal beads is too many?

Does this strap-on cock make my thighs look fat?

I often get so preoccupied with 'doing it right' (whatever “it” is... attiregrooming, sensory deprivation, impact play, etc.) that I forget to enjoy myself. I over-analyze my technique and performance to such a degree that I miss out on everything else – the physical sensations, the emotions and the intimacy – all those lovely things that make playing fun and sex worth having.

But there's one thing that always gets me out of my head… rope. I swear the stuff is magic.

With rope in my hands, I get out of my head long enough to enjoy the physical, mental, and emotional elements that make for intimate, mind-blowing and truly satisfying sex. That's why rope is the kink nearest and dearest to my heart.

Of course rope and bondage go hand-in-hand but rope bondage is so much more than just plain old bondage. All by itself, bondage is simply the practice of restraining a partner. Restraint can be quickly and easily accomplished with a good set of wrist and ankle cuffs, some nylon webbing, and a couple of carabiners.

Using rope isn't nearly as quick or easy, but it's worth the time and effort because it's so much more intimate and special. Rope bondage is as much about the process (the intimate practice of tying up a lover) as it is about the product (in my case, a beautiful bound man to use for my sexual pleasure).

Knots aren't rocket science, but they do take time to learn and practice to master. Fortunately, that time and practice can be a precursor to sex – taking the time to learn with your partner and on your partner means you're spending time together and touching each other all over without rushing right into groping your partner's junk. It's foreplay; it heightens anticipation for the big event and adds some drama to what might otherwise be boring, rushed, vanilla sex.

While my submissive is the one being tied (the 'rope bottom'), I kink on rope specifically because of what it does to me when I'm tying (as the 'rope top'). Tying my lover helps me clear my head of my self-consciousness and helps me appreciate the moment. It makes me pay more attention to him – to his body and the way it moves, his physical and emotional responses and his level of comfort or discomfort. I notice the expression in his eyes, the sounds he makes and the way his breathing speeds or slows in response to my touch. When I take notice of all those things, I realize how much I enjoy them... and how much they turn me on.

Besides clearing my head and getting me all hot and bothered, I appreciate the way that tying him is an exercise of our trust in each other, particularly when I tie him in stressful positions with elaborate ties and complicated knots. He has to trust me with his physical and emotional safety and I have to trust that he'll communicate with me if something isn't right. For that reason, rope bondage makes us focus on each other instead of focusing on the act. Ultimately, it means we're more present in the moment and more in tune with each other.

Of course, the best thing about rope bondage is the end result. Seeing a lover's body crisscrossed with rope is so-fucking-hot. In my mind, there is nothing more beautiful than a man unburdened of his strength, rendered helpless, bent and bound according to my wishes. Nothing is hotter than a man who is eager to give me control, and nothing turns me on quite like taking it.

Dumb Domme writes about her (mis)adventures in kinky sex, relationships, and in life on her blog, DumbDomme.com. Follow her on Twitter at @DumbDomme or send her an email

g+: http://plus.google.com/103347258731928776942

facebook: http://www.facebook.com/DumbDomme

 

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