How to redefine your sex

Who really defines sex and sexuality

Who really defines sex and sexuality

Sex has to be the most complicated word in the English language. It probably has about 6.4 billion definitions, which is roughly equal to the amount of people angered by the ending of every M. Night Shyamalan film. 6.4 billion Definitions and smart money would still wager that none of those comes close to really answering the question of “what is sex?”

I will concede that asking a lofty infinite loop of a question, such as this, is more than a bit pretentious. To be honest, it is a more philosophical than I would have ever expected get. It took me many hours of deep introspective thought and insightful conversations with friends, a few shots of tequila, a hooker, priest, fry cook and a cabbie to come up with the following definition:

“Sex is an act between one or more persons that has several purposes, of which include reproduction and stress relief. It can be practiced in numerous and ever expanding ways.”

Yes, it is true that the definition works but there is something about that I do not like. This definition is sterile, clinical and, more importantly, boring. Sex may be many things but it is not boring, that is if you are doing it right. This definition may be fine for Webster’s but its critical fault is that it fails to address the personal expression and intimacy that the act encompasses.  

So then, what defines that sex, the kind that people actually have? The sex that all those romance writers glorify and teenagers would gladly give their leg to experience. Better yet, to whom does the gauntlet fall? Whom do we charge with such a task as to defining this, our most primal yet least understood of behaviors? Who can define that sex? To that end, we find an answer that highlights one of the greatest things about sex, an undeniable truth.

We define SEX. (What a twist!)

Each one of us has the right to decide what sex means to us. Your definition could cycle every 13 minutes like clockwork and you can never be wrong. Your sex can range from, everyone’s first sexual activity, masturbation; to an orgy or watching the neighbor who's blinds never close do the daily crossword puzzle. Every way that you define sex, for yourself, is the correct definition. Believing this to be true, we are left with a new query. How do you define your sex?

For me sex is… complicated. It is a dirty, slutty, intimate, and awesome amalgamation of emotions, bodily fluids, ideas, heat, thrust, throbs, heartbeats, thoughts, grunts, caresses, looks, sways, hates, awkward moments, butterflies, spanks, questions, issues, lusts, loves, looks, mistakes, shakes and fears. Sex is the best idea that anyone has ever had. Sex is a messy, sloppy, embarrassing, ridiculous, scary, and exciting journey that everyone should experience by himself or herself, with one other person, twelve other people, a little person, an amputee, a cabbie, a hooker and a priest. Sex is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off, but it’s better if you do. Sex is fun. Sex is a verb and adjective smorgasbord. Most of all if you respect it and have not fear, sex can be something that will take you to places never thought possible.

If you have read this far, I am going to assume you have an opinion on what sex is to you. Some other people did as well; here are a few selections.

“I'd like to say that I know what sex means to me, other than satisfaction of a primal urge, but I can't say that at all. But then again I could. It just depends on my mood… All I can truly tell you about sex is that I’d like to have some. And that’s all I have to say, for now. [sic]” Kevin, 22 (Full Text)

"Sex is an stress relieving sport that I'm addicted to and, I need to have in order to have a fully functional life. Sex with the right person could be moments of your life that you will remember for an eternity, but if not the right person I still need to bust a nut. I believe it takes 60 percent physical and 40 percent mental in order to reach a certain climax but, those numbers could change depending on attraction. [sic]"  Kira, 22 (Full Text)

“Sex is much more than sexual intercourse. It is in fact any activity done that stimulates arousal & pleasure. We have put this box around what sex is, which has caused a lot of misconceptions, myths and stereotypes, leading to a lot of the negative realities that can come from sex. When we get to the bottom line of what the essence of sex is, it is purely an exchange of energy. As much as we have sex, oddly enough, we don’t really know what sex is. [sic]” Paige,

I think we can all agree to agree on this subject. We should also agree that the idea of someone else defining our sex for us is a ridiculous notion. However, this fact does not stop other people from constantly trying.

The fight to maintain your sexual identity will always be hard fought, even when you do not know you are fighting. We look to the people around us, the talking heads on TV, the soulless ink on page, and the pretty people on the silver screen to emulate their normalcy. This cannot be. All media outlets, including this one, are pushing their ideas of what sex is. On behalf of all of media let me say, that looking to us may be comforting and informative but what you will do with your body is your decision. The very best we can do is share the cliff notes of our accumulated wisdom. Anyone who tells you that they have the answer for you is surely a charlatan.

That being said, I hope that you can find myself or someone else that you can look to for the guidance. I am not so vain as to assume my way is the only way or even the right way for you. It is my sincere hope that you can find some way that you can make your sex your own.

Five years, more than 700 blogs, 50 videos, 40 podcasts, 3 events, 2 ebooks and 1 directory - LTASEX is a self-funded labor of love. If you get value out of LTASEX, consider tossing a couple bucks this way. Your donations help ease the burden on my slender pockets and allow me to spend more time working on new content for you.

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