How to avoid putting out the wrong signals in your text messages

Jerome Stuart Nichols
Sexpert Wisdom (Advice)

Everyone has their own unique brand of flirting. Some like to choose the coy approach others are more aggressive and like to seek and destroy (the pussy). Often these different styles are completely incompatible. I learned this lesson very recently when I met a guy whose slick talkin’ Detroit swag collided my calm and reserved suburban anti-swag.

It was an interesting situation, I thought he was quite sexy, but didn’t really let on. He thought I was sexy and that was his only topic of conversation. My technique made him think that I wasn’t into him. His technique made me think all he wanted was sex, which is fine but when talking I generally like something with a bit more substance. Sure, I thought his whole shtick was charming in a hood Rupert Everett sort of way, but after two days of awkwardly dancing around the topic, I was ready to walk away. Then I figured, “what would I lose by expressing what I’m thinking?” So, I did.

Here’s the conversation verbatim:

Dating Step 1: Getting Out Of The House

Jerome Stuart Nichols

Because I’m the “Sexpert” people often assume that I have the bestest most awesomest sex life ever in the history of the world!!!1! The truth is that I am struggling out here just like everyone else. I haven’t been on a successful date… ever. I find bars and other social situations overwhelming. Online dating sites for gay men are like meat markets. I constantly put obstacles in my way. I know all this to be true and yet I continue to ignore it with work. All of this makes me feel like I’ve lost the spark of life that I once had. It’s strange to be 23 and feel like you’re past your prime. Lately I have been thinking about how to get that spark back in my life. I want to rediscover my sexuality and break out of the shell that I’ve built for myself.

There was a time where I always felt sexy, and desirable. I had sense that even though I was a big guy, I had a lot to offer and people wanted me. That sense buoyed by all the great sex that I was having, deflated when I stopped. Without my confident attitude, my stunning personality was little match for my extreme shyness and introversion. I stopped going out, stopped meeting new people, and dropped off the social map. For a while that social isolation was fine, I was never really much of a people person, but now that my priorities and desires are evolving it’s time to get my groove back.

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