What real, authentic love really looks like

I’ve been going through a lot of things in my personal life and it’s got me thinking about love.

What it means to be in love? What is love (baby don’t hurt me)? What does it feel like?

Love is a major part of society and we talk about it all the time. Even still, we don’t have a clue what it’s all about.

I’m 18 months into my longest relationship and what I thought about love then is much different now.

That difference wasn’t really about what I saw on TV; I’m not the kind to believe fairy tales.

Still, the way our love plays out is much different than the love we see from the people around us.

For example: I deal with depression and anxiety. So does my partner, he’s also dealing with borderline personality disorder.

We’re both irritable and have a hard time getting along sometimes.

In order to get along, though, we do some unorthodox things, like being in a full-time Dom sub relationship.

A lot of people have a hard time seeing love in D/s but it works for us.

Of course, I didn’t think this would be what I needed going in.

What I thought I needed – I didn’t. Some stuff I wanted – I needed. Other stuff I never knew existed turned out to be life changing.

No two relationships are the same. Not even two relationships with the same person will be the same.

I’m polyamorous and have many loves. Each of those relationships are different. I’m different with them and them with me. What they need is different. What they can give is different.

In some relationships, it’s about fun and sex mostly. In some relationships it’s about setting down roots and building a life.

Most relationships will be a little of both but they can be separate. I try to put it all together, but it doesn’t always work. My partners may like different stuff.

Hopefully, we’ll have some things in common, but there’s more to relationships than common interests and hobbies.


The fact that no two relationships are the same is uncertain and scary.

Without a good guide, you’ll make a lot of mistakes and that’s scary; no one wants to feel like a failure.

I understand.

Although, over time, I’ve learned to just embrace the difference.

Think of your relationship as a customized experience.

At the root, all healthy relationships are basically the same. What you get and want from it will vary, though.

It’s perfectly ok to make your relationship suit who you really are.

My interracial polyamorous D/s relationship is not a relationship many people would have.

It can be a bit too physical. Sometimes, it’s yell-y and loud and angry…

…but it is how and who we are.

It’s true to us. It works and that’s ok.

Your relationship might work differently and that’s ok.

It’s important for all of us to know that it’s ok: to love how you are.

Love is not how I thought it would be. It’s probably not how you thought, either. But, I think, that’s great.

The way we all thought about it before wasn’t the widest and most vivid view of love there could be.

I know, if I’m living this life with all these terrible struggles that we all have to go through, living a life with full and vibrant love is one of the best ways to make living worthwhile.

And I think we should all have a bit more of it. 

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