How I made my partner comfortable with non-monogamy and got the kinky threeway I wanted

Sometimes I make very good decisions.

Recently I made the decision to make a three-way happen with my partner and a third. Considering we’ve now had three successful play sessions with three different men, it looks like this was a very good decision.

Over the five months we’ve been together, my boyfriend, Bubby, has come a long way with his acceptance and enjoyment of non-monogamy. Recently, he met a friend of mine that I’ve been having sex with for nearly a decade, and it went really well. After that post-Pride froyo date, I figured we’d broken down the last barrier to the hot group play I wanted.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t exactly true.

Since we first started discussing non-monogamy in our relationship, I’d been dealing with childish behavior from my guy. Every time I talked about doing anything with someone else, he’d become cold and emotionally distant. He’d make me feel like I was dirty or a bad person for enjoying something I love and he already was freely enjoying.

During the date, Bubby was all about playing around, because he thought my long-time fuck buddy was cute. In the time after, he fell back onto his petty slut-shaming and passive-aggressive snipping. At first, I felt sad and sort of helplessly confused, but then I got mad.

I knew he was only behaving that way because I let him, so I stopped begging and I told him that he needed to watch his fucking mouth. I also told him that I was done with feeling bad about something I love and he, of his own free will, agreed to. After that, we talked extensively and in more civil tones.

In the ensuing discussions, we were able to get to the root of his issue: his own guilt about sex. See, Bubby grew up in an incredibly religious Fox News household. While he’d been smart enough to reject the racism, sexism, classism, etc., he had a much harder time rejecting the sex-negative and slut-shaming Sunday school lessons.

He was feeling bad about having had sex with a bunch of people, and put those feelings on me. Bubby is a smart guy, and he eventually was able to realize how ridiculous that was. He should feel excited about sucking off a hot, hairy Latin daddy-type, not guilty. When it comes to me, he should be thrilled that I got to have an experience I enjoyed as much. When that idea clicked, it was a matter of days before we were looking for a third.

Initially, he still was dragging his feet. So I had to let him know that I noticed and wouldn’t accept it. I also put it in his hands to find a third and told him, “When people want things to happen, they make it happen.” He made it happen.

While the first two dates stood us up, the third arrived as planned. The guy was a total sweetheart and fucking sexy as hell. We had a ton of fun together and will be playing again. Seeing as we had another fun play session with a different guy the following night, it’s safe to say Bubby enjoyed himself (I certainly did).

Since our play sessions, Bubby has apologized for his previous behavior and thanked me for pushing him over the edge. We’ve also scheduled a third play date with a new-ish friend of mine.

While I’d never be so crass to gloat to his face, I feel like I deserve this: I told you so! 

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