virginity

"How would you suggest I find a good guy with patience for a virgin?" - Sexpert Wisdom

I have been with women befor but, i'm a virgin with men. I think about men all the time and I know its not fantasy I really want to be with a guy, love him, touch him, kiss him, and hold him. How would you suggest I find a good guy with patience for a virgin?

Well that all depends on what you want out of the relationship. Now, I’m tell you that if you are seeking to remain a virgin this is going to be difficult. I actually handles that for a nother girl, you can read that here. However, if you are ready to or working towards losing your virginity this will be much easier. In fact if you are ready too/working towards losing your virginity then this isn’t much of an issue at all. 

Most guys are or rather can be very accommodating to women if they know they are going to get sex out of it. That’s not to say that men are only accommodating to women that will give them sex, but it helps. Once you have found a guy that you want to go there with, then you need to lay it all out there. It may seem like a lot, but all you need to say is “look, while I’m not a virgin in the traditional sense, when it comes to guys I am very inexperienced. I’m totally down for whatever, but until I’m comfortable we are going to need to take this slowly.”

No matter what you’re looking for or how you handle it, it’s important to remember that virginity is not herpes and you don’t have to treat it like a disease. Virginity is simply a lack of experience, and as long as you’re willing to fill that void with something meaningful then it’s all good.

The advice I linked to in the first paragraph has a lot to do with religion, but if you’re not religious you can still use a lot of the information. If what I have here doesn’t help, call or text us at 702-LTASEX-0 or 702-582-7390.



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Do you have sex on the first date or make them wait?

I was wondering how soon is too soon to have sex with a guy. I’m ok with having sex on the first date, but I’ve always been told you should make them wait. What do you think?

first-date.jpg

This is one where I can’t give you a solid answer, but I can tell you what I do/what works for me. Generally, I just go for it when I feel it right. For some people that means that I jump their bones on the first night, or I make them wait. What makes the difference is the person. If the person I’m on a date with makes me feel like I want to fuck them, I will. If they give me pause, then I won’t. However, I have a more laid-back attitude about dating. I’m not so worried that every interaction will lead to a relationship.

If you are worried that you might be a one night stand then you need to use your own judgment. The problem is that people who are just trying to get in your pants will be as charming and suave as they need to be.

Most people will be nervous on first date, that nervousness can be your friend. Little things clumsiness, stumbling, and sweating are all good indicators of a person’s internal conditions. These may not always ring true but if you make sure to pay attention to the subtle cues people give off so you can get a clue to their intentions.

One thing to keep in mind is that the reason why people don’t call back the morning after has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their guilt surrounding sex. What people want/do and what they think they should want/do is often completely different; this causes internal conflict. For those who are psychologically inclined you could say it is the id versus the super-ego.

People will do what the hell they want to do, especially if they think no one is watching, they’ll just feel guilty as hell about it. People don’t like feeling guilty, so they find ways to soothe their guilt and justify their behavior. One very common way people justify their sexual behavior is by transferring responsibility for it onto someone else.

What do people say when they talk about sex they regret or feel conflicted about? “She gave it up on the first night, clearly she’s a hoe.” What they are really saying is “It’s not my fault. She is such a slutty McWhore pants that she seduced me. I was a helpless field mouse caught in the sights of that tramp.” In this sort of rationalization, there is no room for people to hold themselves accountable. No matter how fucked up this system is, this is just a symptom of a larger problem; A problem that I am too hungover to delve into.

To answer your question, Honestly, it’s all a matter of what you want out of the interaction. If you are just playing the field then who gives a damn. If you want a relationship conventional wisdom says to wait, but that is not absolute. You have to make your own assessment based on the specific person. Just keep in mind that people are more good than they are bad. Most people are just as lost as you are awkwardly stumbling their way through life. 99% of the people you will meet are not out to use you. Relax.

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Your First Time

There are several topics that I have yet to cover, for various reasons. Usually I think I’m not knowledgable enough, or that my personal biases may sway or impassion my writing in a negative way. Virginity is one of those topics that I felt that I needed more time to stew and formulate my ideas, but I think it’s time.

Before I go any further I would like to make a plea for a change in nomenclature. When you have sex for the first time, you are said to be losing your virginity and the person who “deflowered” you took. Understand this is not a game of Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh, drag racing for pinks, nor Casino Royale style poker. You are having sex; nothing is being taken from anyone involved. I know that sex, especially the first time, can make you feel awkward, dirty or ashamed but know that you are doing nothing wrong; your feelings, thoughts, and desires, are all normal things that everyone else has felt in your situation.

No matter how prepared you are when you have sex for the first time you will find yourself confronted with a metric ass-ton (I think that’s the scientific term) of emotions. More than anything else, what can make the largest difference in how you feel afterwards is how well your partner responds to your needs immediately and for the days following. Most people lose their virginity in high school, so it’s not like you really have time to lay around cuddling and talking about what just happened. Especially when you’re terrified your mom is going to come home early from work.  This means that you have to work with what you have to ensure that your experience is the best it can be.

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