violet blue

How I spent a year pretending to be bisexual

About a year ago, when I first started writing this blog, I decided I should make a few concessions in my personal life. One such concession was how I viewed my sexuality. My whole life I’d had always identified as gay, but I thought that a good sex educator should open themselves to new experiences. I convinced myself that if I ever wanted to be as cool as Kidder Kaper or Violet Blue that I should try a taste of the bi. So, I adopted a new sexuality; when asked I would tell people that, “I’m gay but shit happens.” I felt like it was a simple way of allowing my 98% majority sexuality prominence while acknowledging the 2% minority that usually rises after a couple shots of Stolichnaya. The simple change in nomenclature allowed me to reinterpret how I saw my sexuality. No longer was I just some gay dude, I was an open and wanton sexually expressive dude, which made me feel special.

I’ve never felt completely comfortable within my sexuality. So, when people would ask about my sexual preferences I would say that I was gay, but when I was extremely uncomfortable it wasn’t uncommon for me to fabricate a much more bi leaning or pansexual persona. That discomfort stemmed from the insecurities with my sexuality, and my chronic social anxiety. The new asterisk in my sexual declaration served the purpose of giving me the comfort and cool factor that I sought. With my new sexuality firmly grasped, like a permission slip on field trip day, I set out to explore the bright pink new world.

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