All tagged technology

I've started writing this post three times. Initially it was a rant on Apple’s new text message filtering patent. I was angered, and rightfully so, about the 1984 reality that Apple is heading towards. Each time I would get 500-600 words in and I would stop because I ran out of steam. I started out so angry, “grrr… evil Steve Jobs is evil” and would eventually dissolve into a tired, pathetic anti-Apple/pro-open source rant. I couldn’t figure out why.  So I stepped away for a while, in an attempt to gather my thoughts. What I realized, through deep contemplation (and by deep contemplation I mean drinking more beer and pounding on my keyboard furiously) is that I am not angry with Apple, I’m angry with the state of technological sexuality.

Sex and tech are inextricably linked. The more technology we get the more we will adapt it to get us off. Porn has always been on the forefront of media distribution and is still identified as the reason DVD & VHS both took off. I don’t know one vibrator manufacturer that wouldn’t kill for a solar or hybrid power source small and efficient enough for a vibrator. Nor do I know one prostitute that did not love having Craig’s List as a marketplace for selling their services. This being true, I wonder what is the cause of sex and technology’s chaffing, un-lubricated relationship.

Now that every iPhone/Android/Palm/Blakberry is rocking a 3+ megapixel camera, and almost every smartphone on the planet is shooting in at least 720p, it makes sense that “sexting” (I hate that word) has taken off. I know I for one am inundated with all types of crazy requests; just 20 minutes ago, I got texted, “Send me a picture of your giant ass covered in baby oil”. . .  I declined. This may seem like an odd request, but to me it’s par for the course. I’m sure there are quite a few of you who have been in similar situations at some point. So today we are going to step your digital sex game up a few notches with some tips and tricks.

 

I love when people send me nude pictures, it’s one of the highlights of my days, but I absolutely hate when they look like this.

 

Sure, this chick is hot and if she sent me pictures, or video or her phone number I wouldn’t mind, but the grainy bathroom cell phone camera MySpace pic should have died off, along with Tom, years ago. Also, people, understand that duck lips are not as cute as you think they are. You look like someone just dropped a deuce that no one is acknowledging.