My partner and submissive currently is standing in a corner, facing the wall. He’s been bad, if you couldn’t guess.
I got home about four hours ago, and his behavior led to a fight that lasted three hours. His crime: being a little shit.
I didn’t know it at first, but the fight wasn’t between him and me. The conflict, in fact, was between our inner drives for control.
I, like many dominant people, tend to have a predatory or shark-like drive. Bubby also is semi-dominant, and has many of the same personality traits: he’s intelligent, socially manipulative and glib. Yet he desires to be protected/directed, which makes him desire submission.
While he desires submission, he also doesn’t trust anyone — he lost his memory and is rebuilding this faith. So he does what feels safe, but anything that exposes his soft parts causes his inner shark to bare its teeth.
In other words, when he got scared, my submissive made the decision to stop submitting, and I was trying to force him back into his place. When that became clear, I stopped.
You see, this has happened before between us. That time, I hadn’t yet learned the truth about submission: It’s a choice.
When I first was trying to force him into submission, I wore myself out. I gave up trying out of necessity; he was close to making me feel vulnerable and awakening my inner shark. I knew that if this relationship was going to work, he was going to have to rein in his much weaker shark. If he didn’t, I would’ve ripped its jaw off and made our relationship implode.
I mean, I could have forced or manipulated him into submission, but I’m not an abuser. I get no pleasure from breaking him unless he’s begging to be broken.
Capturing the prey and watching as it gives into its fate is part of what makes dominance so thrilling. It’s only fun to watch the prey squirm if you know the end result will be submission. When the prey doesn’t play along, you can kill it or let it go.
Unless you’re happy with abusing your partner, letting the prey go is the only way to go.
If you let the sub go and they run, they aren’t the right sub for you. If they stand there, though, they just need to be worn down a bit more.
Bubby never leaves. He wants to submit — needs it, perhaps. He just has to be persuaded a little harder, and I’m so happy to do what it takes to break him.
Have you ever dealt with a situation like this? How'd you deal as a sub or Dom?
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