Every relationship probably will have moments when you just want to slap the shit out of each other.
While it’s important not to non-consensually slap the shit out of each other, it’s also important to resolve the problem. This is where our kindergarten lessons on conflict resolution come in handy: Use your words and talk that shit out.
In the past, I’ve been accused of talking things to death. That deflective statement usually comes from the mouth of someone with whom I have an ongoing problem and they can’t connect the dots. As such, I tend to completely ignore the statement and press on. I ‘on’t wanna brag or nuffin’ but I ten ta be right.
Usually, people who complain about having to talk things out lack the capability to express themselves. While this article isn’t pointed in any particular direction, it seems that this sort of thing is more common among men. There’s just something about having your emotional development stifled that makes many dudes nigh-incapable of introspection and empathy.
If you listen to many ftm trans people, there’s also something about the increase in testosterone that dulls and lowers the contrast of emotions. Regardless of gender, though, it’s a problem many people deal with on a daily basis.
Bubby and me both suffer from anxiety and depression, which make us a bit prickly a lot of the time. Since we’re together a lot, we’re constantly in this battle of trying to be on our best behavior while dealing with that internal strife. As one could guess, this leads to a lot of frustration, harsh words, snapping at each other, inattentiveness and anger.
Everyone has different ways of dealing with issues in their relationship. While Bubby and I have been known to do some tied-up punishment or wrestling to get out the aggression, we always end up talking things out.
Even though we’ve been together just four months, without the ability to talk out our feelings, there’s no way we could have survived this long. You may not have anxiety or depression, but ignoring those little annoyances, big problems and unfulfilled needs can make you feel crazy if you ignore them.
While it doesn’t help to ignore unpleasant feelings, that’s what most people will do. They’ll convince themselves these problems aren’t problems at all. Instead of investigating the depth of their emotions and how it connects to behavior, they’ll bounce between working themselves up to becoming more upset and denying the legitimacy of the emotion.
It’s important to think over your feelings, but you have to give them a fair trial before sentencing them – and yourself – to suppression.
When you suppress your emotions, they’ll always come back stronger. You may feel release of tension in the moment, but it’s only because you’re distracted. The emotions will lie dormant until you think about it or something else similar happens and they’ll jump up to slap you in the face.
Eventually, they’ll be too strong to ignore and you’ll have to speak up; by that point, you won’t be able to have a rational conversation. You’ll probably just end up yelling and complaining that your partner can’t see your perspective.
While it would be helpful if we all had mutant powers that clued us into our partners’ emotions, we don’t. You can’t expect your partner to know what you’re feeling unless you tell them. So, you’re going to have to talk it out.