Does anyone else hate porn music as much as I do?

The music in porn is just so terrible

The music in porn is just so terrible

For all intents and purposes, mainstream porn is straight-up boring. From the staged positions to the monotonous and forced screams of fake pleasure, it’s all just garbage. But out of all its faults, the music is what really makes my penis softer than cashmere.

I just don’t get the point of porn music. Music in most films is to used add ambiance, set the scene and evoke emotion. In porn, the ambiance should come from the spark between the actors, the scene should be set by the nakedness and the only emotion I want to feel is erection. So, where in that does bow-chicka-wow-wow fit?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against all music in porn, but it has to be good. Like every other person who has ever existed – I fancy myself a connoisseur of film. So, I can appreciate when the music, set and performers make something hot. Unfortunately, porn with music is generally all from the mainstream studios, and as I stated at the very beginning, mainstream porn – for the most part – sucks. They know this, which is why they use it.

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In most porn, music is the Band-Aid they use to cover up the fact that the actors have no chemistry or star power. It’s almost like they think if they can keep you entertained for long enough you’ll be aroused by sheer momentum. Like you’ll somehow forget that what you’re watching is complete crap. (I’m on to you, porn industry.)

Porn industry, I know this is hard to hear, but you suck. I know that business is tough, but stagnation isn’t the way to make it better. Look at what happened to the auto industry. They weren’t able to keep pumping out boring Camry clones for too long before they needed a helping hand. I know flexibility and versatility are prized qualities in your performers, so why not demand the same of your business as a whole?

You keep trying to make fetch happen, and it’s just not going to happen. If you decided to make some content that was worthwhile, with actors that – oh, I don’t know – actually have some talent, these indie studios and amateur clips might not be eating … your lunch. Who knows, maybe you just need one gigantic enema to get crap out. #Justsayin’.

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