Non-monogamy won't save your relationship, but it could

Non-monogamy won’t save your relationship, but it could.jpg

Non-monogamy is an awesome option to the traditional relationship set up. Unfortunately, it’s often brought up as a desperate effort to save a zombified relationship. Let’s get this straight right now: non-monogamy won’t save your relationship, but it could.

Non-monogamy is not a magic fix-all pill that will save a dead relationship, but a whole lot of people think it is. If your relationship is over, it’s over and there’s nothing you can do about that. It’s a sad realization, but it’s the truth nonetheless and you need to behave accordingly.

There’s no shame in bowing out of a relationship that has run its course. It shows that you are an emotionally intelligent person who values the time and emotions of others. Those are positive traits that suggest you might be whole enough to try non-monogamy in your next relationship. But, if your relationship is dead, non-monogamy will only be a convenient scapegoat for your guilt-stained relief.

Adding debris to a tornado is not a good idea. Adding people and their emotions to a relationship in a death spiral isn’t a very good idea either. Without the extra weight it will be a lot easier to pull your relationship out of its nosedive. If you’re weighed down with other people’s baggage, it’s way more likely your relationship will crash and burn horribly.

It is a universal truth that relationships take effort. Whether you’re satisfying your boss or letting your partner(s) know you care, you have to take the time to make relationships work. If you’re looking for a shortcut to a successful relationship, non-monogamy isn’t it. If you’re looking for a new way to express your love or breathe life into a stagnant relationship, opening up might be exactly what you need.

While monogamy works for some, many people would describe it as stifling, restrictive and boring.  Monogamy bases the success of the relationship on whether or not you’re capable of living with the touch of only one person for two thirds of your life. Considering that most people are serial monogamists or unintentional polyamorists, it seems odd that we’d commit to forgo what seems to be our natural romantic arrangement.

Non-monogamy offers you the chance to have your commitment and stability while also exploring the depths of your sexuality. It allows you to satisfy your natural desires for novelty and pleasure. If nothing else, you’ll gain the knowledge of boundaries that may be looser than you think.

Since no one can be everything, traditional monogamy inherently forces people to go without having certain needs met. The problem: most people enter into these relationships without ever really thinking about what monogamy means for and to them. By even bringing up the topic of non-monogamy, you’re forced to consider the boundaries of your relationship. You’re forced to consider each other’s needs and what’s actually best for your relationship.

Although it can be awesome, non-monogamy is difficult like any other relationship. Building a non-monogamous relationship on a foundation of anger, jealousy, resentment, malaise or desperation sets you up for failure. However, building your non-monogamous on a foundation of strong communication, respect, trust and commitment sets you up for one hell of an adventure. 

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