Lucky Bloke saved my ass, literally

lucky bloke screenshot.jpg

Sometime in 2013, I was contacted by the people behind online condom retailer Lucky Bloke. They wanted to send me some samples to see if I liked what they had to offer. While I did, in fact, really like their vibe, especially compared to some design challenged competitors, I never got around to doing a write up. Eventually, it slipped my mind completely, until a few weeks ago when I was the real lucky bloke.

When I first got the package from Lucky Bloke, I was really impressed by the cleanliness of the packaging. Their sample packs come in standard clear plastic boxes but looks like modern with the multicolor condom fest inside. I didn’t use any of the condoms but I did take note that the mixture was all high-quality and brands I would trust on my own.

I was excited to try them out but a bout of work-related celibacy made the condoms as useful as ice in pre-global warming Antarctica. In recent months, as it’s gotten colder and colder here in Michigan, I’ve been finding myself in need of condoms way more often than normal. A few weeks ago, that need came up again, thanks to a charming 26 year-old with a killer smile.

I don’t think I’ve actually bought condoms exclusively for personal use since before Obama was president. This meant that when the man of my sex dreams offered to fuck me crazy, the only protection I had on hand was highly questionable. Of course, with the late hour and lack of automobile, this meant my anus was set to go unmolested, sadly.

As I puttered around, prepping for his arrival, I fretted about whether to use the condoms I had anyway. They weren’t expired but they were definitely older than what I found comfortable. I’d finally decided against it and jumped in the shower. Whether it was the hot water or necessity and desire that willed my brain into a thought palace Sherlock and Jimmy Neutron would envy, I suddenly remembered that sample pack of condoms from Lucky Bloke sitting in my drawer. The night was saved.

­When my late night hook up arrived, he was cuter than his photos and such a nice dude that I though he was going to end up trying to rob me or something. Of course, I still went for it. I mean, he was really, really gorgeous; he made me stupid as sixth-grader with a crush. Things went smoothly all night, until we finally got to taking off clothes.

While a lot of guys like to put a standard beer can next to their cocks for comparison in pics, he needed a 24 ounce can. I’d only come across a cock that thick once or twice in my life. While I was excited for the challenge, I was slightly deflated because all the condoms in the Lucky Bloke pack were regular size. Regardless, we gave it a try. The first two wouldn’t roll down more than three inches on his penis but the third was soft and super stretchy and absolutely perfect. The night was saved, for real this time.

That night turned out to be better than I hoped, in a lot of ways. I met a really cute, nice guy who’s a great fuck and makes me feel sexy. While I’m sure I would have had fun, even if I didn’t get fucked like I wanted, thanks to Lucky Bloke, I didn’t have to find out. With a selection of single condoms and assorted variety packs sold at reasonable prices on their user-friendly site, I don’t think I’ll have to worry about it ever again.

For the record, I wasn’t paid or bribed or otherwise compromised/compensated to write this. Lucky Bloke literally saved my ass from a night of dicklessness. I’m still so happy about it, I felt like I should say thank you.

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