*This blog was written by a coaching client of mine. We’re using writing as an outlet for his feelings and he asked me to publish them to help other people. If you have any advice that could help him, or have a similar experience to share, please leave it in the comments below.
– Keep it sexy,
The woman who is most interested in me and the relationship opportunities I offer is half my age and half a continent away. She's young, vibrant, talented, smart and generally more mature than the women I should be dating. Unfortunately, I’ve found the women I should be dating have standards that are either one-sided, unattainable, unclear or even sexist.
From what I’ve experienced, I'm supposed to be fit, but not musclebound. Except for the gym chicks, they'd prefer that I have enough time after 12-hour shifts to work out. But my body must be within a certain athletic standard and match specific allowable body types.
I'm supposed to be bearded, but not have a hipster beard. Except that my job requires me to be clean-shaven.
I'm supposed to be well-employed, but my choice of employment means I can't fit certain aesthetic criteria or I'm not artistic/edgy/cool enough.
I'm supposed to have a vehicle, but it has to be something new or cool instead of something that reliably suits my specific criteria.
I'm supposed to be commanding and dominant, but if I don't do it perfectly, I'll be the sort of douchebag that women don't want to date. I also must be masculine in behaviour, but not in any manner that might be construed as threatening. I also can’t be too gentlemanly, because I’ll come across as less masculine.
I'm supposed to have ink and piercings, but if I have a shirtless photo that shows off my ink or piercings in a way that hasn't been painfully choreographed to appear completely natural, I'm being a douche-nozzle.
I should have certain less-common categories of musical or artistic tastes, but I can't use them as a means to begin a conversation, because then I'm a hipster. Even though an “indie” artist like Tom Waits has been recording since something like 1965.
I'm supposed to be urbane, witty and an intellectual conversationalist, but not if I ever use a base double-entendre or rough, low-brow humour. Except that I can't seem too smart or I'm unapproachable.
I’m supposed to deal and conform to all this, but, strangely, it is utterly unthinkable that I might have a few requirements of my own. It also seems that I am entirely forced to accept the attention of those who find me attractive. Even worse, I’m supposed to deal with this silently.
How crazy of me to desire to have a partner who compliments me as much as I compliment them. How crazy of me to refuse conform. How crazy of me to want someone who values me for my own uniqueness.
It’s exhausting, and as a man, my complaints fall on deaf or angry ears. Women have been able and allowed to fight these rigid standards; men, not so much. Frankly, I don’t know what to do.
Five years, more than 700 blogs, 50 videos, 40 podcasts, 3 events, 2 ebooks and 1 directory - LTASEX is a self-funded labor of love. If you get value out of LTASEX, consider tossing a couple bucks this way. Your donations help ease the burden on my slender pockets and allow me to spend more time working on new content for you.
Thank you for your continued support!