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Sexual anxiety is a pernicious little bitch. Usually, people don’t realize it’s a thing that exists. If you don’t know it’s there, you can’t fix it. Luckily, once you’ve learned how to spot sexual anxiety, there’s plenty of ways to fix it.
Laugh – Enjoying things together, be it Netflix and chill or stupid cat videos, helps your cold exterior melt a bit. Even if you don’t become more intimate from it, you’ll build a sense of safety knowing that they, too, enjoy the sillier things in life.
Exercise – One of the biggest reasons for sexual anxiety is the fear that you won’t perform well. This is more common for folk with penises. Still, a lack of arousal when desired can be scary and soul dampening for anyone.
Exercise is one of the best ways to gain confidence in your physical capabilities. It’s not about getting “in shape” or having a “hot bod.” Instead, the purpose should be to test the limits of what you can do and feel the trill of exhilaration.
We often underestimate what we can do, feel and experience. Getting active helps you get in touch with your muscles, bones, brain, nerves, hair follicles and every other part of your body. Regardless of what you’re doing, pushing your body to move and have fun gets the blood flowing. It also lets you know just how strong and capable you really are. It lifts your spirit, which does a lot for your confidence.
Admit you’re scared – When you hold in your feelings, they have the opportunity to wreak havoc on your mind. A little fear or anxiety can cause all sort of simple things to become major, life-altering problems.
If you admit you’re scared, worried or anxious, you get the chance to deal with those feelings. You’ll also get to be vulnerable and see how they react to it. If they pass this test of character, it’ll be easier to be comfortable and develop a romantic connection.
Increase your comfort – This may seem like an obvious tip, but think about it: You’re trying to have sex while your body is buzzing with anxiety. You’re doing it drunk. You’re doing it without talking through your grievances with each other.
Believe it or not, when there’s stuff in your body making you uncomfortable – caffeine, Adderall, anger, alcohol, sadness, anxiety – it gets in the way of your arousal. It stops you from feeling your body and troubleshooting problems without panicking. It makes your sexual anxiety worse; don’t do that.
Go where the love is – I’m a proud whore. I want to fuck every cute thing that moves, but I can’t. There are just certain kinds of sex I simply can’t have unless there’s love or connection. When I recently learned this, it kind of blew my mind.
Don’t have sex when you don’t feel loved. Don’t lay with people who don’t make you feel comfortable. As a rule of thumb, if you can’t fart in bed and laugh it off with a person, you probably shouldn’t be fucking them. If you can’t be vulnerable with them, it’s unlikely you’ll relax enough to enjoy the sex.
Increase the intimacy – Fucking around, one-night stands and other impersonal forms of sex can be fun but hella anxiety inducing. Try going into them being open and honest. Hoes are humans, too. If knowing your full name or hobbies makes the sex less fun for that person, then they aren’t going to treat you like a human, just a hoe.
Poop with the door open – People have this tendency to fear sexual partners being turned off by their bodily functions. Yeah, it stinks and sounds really bad sometimes, but everyone does it. Breaking that barrier is important to knowing that, even at your shittiest, they’ll still find you sexy. Even if this is just a one-time deal, that’s powerful knowledge.
There’s a ton of other ways to deal with sexual anxiety. What are some ways you’ve found?