For many people who live with borderline personality disorder, facing the challenges of the day is a struggle. You may wake up happy, but if you drop an egg, receive some bad news or get frazzled by how much you have to do, the day can take an frustrating, confusing turn for the worst.
Whether this happens frequently or not, feelings of powerlessness, guilt, regret, frustration and utter disbelief might understandably start to weigh on you. They’ll begin to erode all the connections tying you to reality and the people you love. Believe it or not, though, if you’re willing and capable of doing the work, there are plenty of ways you can help yourself and the people you love.
This love doesn’t have to be your downfall. You don’t have to let BPD turn you into a bitter, spiteful, petty person. Here are a few tips to save yourself and your relationship from the weight of your BPD.
Borderline personality disorder, like almost all chronic diseases, usually requires the support of qualified professionals to be workable. Whether you start with a therapist, counselor, psychiatrist or MD, you need someone outside the relationship with real training.
Therapy for the person with BPD has an amazing way of being therapeutic for everyone they love. Even still, loved ones should always have a way of venting their feelings outside of their partner – good relationship advice, in general.
Laugh at the ridiculousness
Let’s be real: The vast majority of what happens when BPD is not under control is straight up ridiculous, but it’s reality. You could spend your time being sad and remorseful about the multitude of strange shit you’ve done, but, like, why would you do that?
If you do your best to smile at the madness, you’re usually headed in the right direction. You’re in this relationship because you care about each other; show it with kindness.
Take an active role
BPD often comes with great accessories like a pink Corvette, Malibu Dream House, anxiety, depression, self-harm, disassociations/blackouts, psych illnesses that show up physically (psychosomatic), etc. It’s common for people with BPD to have all of these and more.
Living with a couple of those sucks, and getting better usually isn’t easy. So it’s understandable that you may not be able to pick up the phone and ask for help or know you need it. Hell, you may not even have enough energy to move your body from the weight of your blanket. Even still, there will be those blissful days when you can get out bed and be social. On those days, you need to take some time out from enjoying your lifted spirits to let someone know that you need help.
Even saying something as simple as, “There’s something not right in my head” to the right person — maybe your partner — can start a conversation about what can be done about it.
Relish the good times
Sometimes, a pair of good days is spilt between months of absolute insanity. So, bathe yourself in the vibe of those good days. Cherish them and hold onto that feeling for as long as you can. Use these times to strengthen your bond with the people you love by doing sexy shit, like talking openly and honestly about your feelings.
Don’t get lazy
If you have BPD, you’re pretty much going to manage it for the rest of your life. Therapy, a loving, boundary-setting, affirming partner and meds will help, but it’s ultimately up to you to get better.
Know when enough is enough
BPD is often worse than M. Night Shyamalan’s “Avatar.” So, if you can’t bear to watch another minute or you know you can’t handle the relationship, say so. It’s up to you to let your partner know and end things positively.