I’ve been masturbating for as long as I remember. Even when I was having sex as much liked, there was always something appealing to me about masturbating. There’s something simple and innocent yet dirty, decadent and forbidden about the whole affair. Plus, it just feels motherfucking awesome.
My memories from most of my childhood are hazy at best but some of my clearest memories from that time are ones of me masturbating. As an adult it’s strange to think of 5 year old me tugging away at my still undeveloped penis and having a jolly old time. Of course at that point I was not yet orgasmic so the motive of my tugging was merely “why the hell not.” It was a dangly thing on my body that felt tingly to touch and other than Power Rangers and X-Men it was my favorite action figure ever. Until I was about 9 my masturbatory life stayed that way.
After 9, I began having erections for the first time and that opened up a hold new world. Not only was it tingly, stretchy and really warm but now it grew! It was amazing, kind of like when you discover your favorite gadget has a feature that you never knew was there. At this point, I still wasn’t masturbating for any particular purpose but I had a pretty good idea of what I was doing.
By the time I was 12 or 13, I was ready to have my first orgasm. This was the year 2000. We’d just seen the explosion of Napster in 1999 and this year many now forgotten P2P networks had popped up to fill the gap Napster would soon be leaving. These new programs would offer the most amazing of all that is amazing… internet porn and pop hits but mostly porn. Having finally seen what an orgasm was supposed to look like, I felt comfortable and began trying will my penis to do the same thing.
I would go for hours. At this time, I was in middle school; neglecting homework for masturbation was my job. I would lay around watching Toonami in the afternoons after school and fruitlessly work on my carpal tunnel. Until one day when I felt something new, there was this pressure that felt like I had to pee. I stopped; concerned that I may in fact urinate all over the sheets my mother would have to wash. I had to make a decision and being a 13 year old on the cusp of his first orgasm, I thought, “what the hell.” I probably should have listened to my first thought because I was soon drenched in my own urine. That was the day I learned how to do laundry.
A couple weeks later, I was on my second or third hour of a notably Vaseline depleting adventure when my penis began to leak some sort of white fluid: pre-cum. So, I just kept going and sure enough I found myself having my mind-blowing and kind of painful first orgasm. When it happened, I let out this uncontrollable yelp. It made me laugh.
I don’t think I have ever had an orgasm quite like that one ever again, even though it’s not the best I’ve ever had. From that point on, I would no longer spend hours fruitlessly beating off; I would fruitfully beat off for hours spilling untold gallons of semen and that’s lasted from then until, well now.
Along the way there were all types of changes in the way I masturbated. I had been Vaseline’s best customer until one day in high school when I jerked it dry for the first time during class. For the longest time I would ball up of couple of shirts and stuff them into my underwear to put pressure on my balls. Later, I found out a gentle tug would give me the same sensation without the risk of getting cum all over my new school clothes. These days I bounce back and forth between my Fleshlight and my hand in various states of lubrication.
I only remember ever being caught once. One night after I’d finished, I quickly passed out and didn’t clean up. At some point during the night, my mother walked into my room. That was one awkward conversation that I made sure never happened.
Now that I’ve been so candid, it’s your turn. What’s your masturbation story?
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