Make sure that 'no' always means 'no'

 Make sure that "no" always means "no."

Make sure that "no" always means "no."

“You know women; when they say no, they really mean yes.”

I’m sure you’ve heard this a few times in your life. I have, usually from the mouth of some guy on trial for violently raping someone. Sure, it’s a ridiculous argument and those who treat this as gospel should be thrown in jail just for being idiots. But the thought process, while utterly fucked up and reprehensible, does have a basis in reality.

In our culture, the number one imperative of females is to not offend the delicate sensibilities of men. One of the things that upsets men’s sensibilities is being denied sex. The only thing that upsets a guy more is a woman who has bent to the erection based wills of other men.

In this incredibly fucked up catch 22, women are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. More accurately, they’re whores if they do and bitches if they don’t. All of this ignores the desires of each individual woman and puts pressure on them to be nothing more than a man satisfying android.

To cope with this, many women choose to take the route of the coquette who is seduced by the unadulterated virility and animalistic attraction of whatever man she’s bedding that night. That way she can act if her pussy wasn’t aching with desire, which reserves her “good girl” status, while making sure not to upset man whose attention she desires.

On its face, the behavior is fine and acceptable. But what happens when a guy who has only ever experienced the coquette stumbles across a woman who really doesn’t want to have sex with him? Far too often the answer to that question is rape or coercion, which is still rape. 

Settle down, I’m well aware that there is absolutely no excuse for rape. I’m also well aware that no one deserves to be raped or coerced into sex. But consider, for a moment, that we lived in a world where “no” always meant “no”… at least when it came to sex. How would that world look?

In that world, no rapist would ever get off on charges because, “she was asking for it,” or “I could tell she wanted to fuck me.” There would be no confusion about the desires and wishes of your potential sex partner. Horny women around the world would be forced to say “yes” or risk living their lives without having their clits licked, nipples nibbled or various orifices filled with another’s various appendages.

It would be a very different world, one in which I would love to live.  

It is incredibly fucked up that women are trained not to offend men. It is fucked up that women are expected be virgins while simultaneously being the object of lust for all men at all times. It is fucked up that M. Night Shyamalan is directing yet another movie that I will undoubtedly hate. But most of all, it is fucked up that we live in a world where even the word “no,” has lost its meaning.

When I was a kid, I learned the difference between “no” and “yes” very early. My mom is one of those people who only said “no” when that was her final answer. Attempts at coercion or begging were often met with a stern look or, in some cases, a firm slap. That strength in her conviction is something that I respect and try to emulate.

Having that lesson on the definitive nature of the word “no” has helped me in many ways. One of those ways being that I’ve never raped anyone because if they say “no,” I stop immediately and go do something else. Sure, I may pout while I get up and walk away. But there is no coercion and definitely no, “but I’ll get blue balls” bullshit. My skin is a wonderful dark chocolate brown, so that wouldn’t work anyway.

It’s unfortunate that not all guys get the same education in “no” that I got. It’s even more unfortunate that the number of girls who are taught to be as assertive and definitive with their male compatriots is almost zero.

The good news – ladies, gentlemen and everyone in between – is that, with a few behavioral adjustments, we can make up for that insufficient social education.

The solution comes in two steps:

  1. Women (and dudes), grow some fucking nads and tell that motherfucker you meant “no” the first time and it’s time for him to get his shit and get the fuck out.
  2. Dudes (and chicks), grow some fucking nads and take “no” for a goddamn answer the first damn time.  

See, it’s that simple. Sure, your technique may take some work. But I think, if you practice, you’ll get the hang of it pretty fast.  

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