How to deal with a low sex drive

I need some help! I'm 24 years old and my libido is not to be seen anywhere! It is becoming a huge strain on my relationship with my boyfriend! I love him very much, and our sex is normally very good, but I haven't been in the mood for the past month or so. Any tips?

Dear LovelyLadyLackingLibido,

Whether you realize it or not, your problem is probably not so much with your libido but how you and your boyfriend are relating to it. No matter what your age, a change in your libido is perfectly normal. It happens to everyone from time to time.

Although it's normal, sometimes we start to freak out when our libido doesn't come roaring back in an amount of time we think is normal. That stress only makes it more difficult to reconnect your genitals to mind.

There is no standard time frame for these sorts of things. It will last as long as it lasts, don't stress yourself out. Stress guarantees the amount of time that your libido stays in flux will grow.

That being said, there are many things you can do to try to shorten the duration of your drought.

Firstly, take the pressure off.

Does the stability of your relationship/sex life rely solely upon how often your partner gets to bang away at your genitals? If not, then a you're going to be just fine. Even months of low libido will probably not be the relationship ending event that you think. Sure, sex tends to be a big part of a romantic relationship but it's not the only part.

Pinpoint the problem.

Are you stressed at work, tired, hungry, depressed  or too busy playing video games? All of these sorts of worries fight for space in your brain. When too many of them build up or one grows to gargantuan proportions, they can start to kick out other important things like sex, eating, sleep and sex.

If your newly decreased sex drive is being caused by a biological issue (sick, pregnant, on new birth control, etc.) then that's something you'll want to check out with your doctor.

Get moving (or not)

You can also try exercising to increase your physiological arousal, blood flow and respiration. All of those things are incredibly beneficial when you want to get your vag throbbing. There's also some evidence that women who get more sleep have more and better sex.

Just do it.

If it's not something medical then I have a few suggestions. Firstly, fake it till you make it. One big reason libidos tend to lag longer than we want is because we don't actively work to reestablish the connection between our brain and our junk.

You don’t say whether or not you feel physical pleasure even though your mind is not in the right space, but I’ll assume that you can. If so, then play with that a bit. Let yourself enjoy the pleasure of having your pussy licked, fingered or otherwise stimulated without any pressure or expectation of what will come next.

This can be accomplished with or without your guy in the room. Although the sex you’re looking to get into is a team sport, masturbation can be your personal trainer. If you can figure out what physical switches you need while you’re alone, you can share it with your guy and have him repeat… and repeat… and repeat…

If you find that your body simply won’t respond without your mind, which is totally normal, then you’re going to need to get that under control.


What’s you fantasy, your sexiest desire? Spend time exploring those sorts of thoughts within yourself. Reading erotica and watching porn can really help the process. Plus those are both things you can do with your guy.

Is your libido bored?

Lastly, you should consider that your pussy may not be off but simply bored. Wake up your twat with a bit of spice. Have you tried BDSM, sensory deprivation, piss play, cuckolding, role-play, exhibition or voyeurism? Heck, even a bit of shower/pool/car sex might be enough to get your juices flowing.

If you try every avenue I’ve suggested and nothing works, you may just have to wait it out. I know playing Chicken with your pussy is not the most appealing idea. But this just may be how your twat is choosing to function for the moment; Love it and embrace it. Find other ways to be intimate or learn to enjoy the act of giving pleasure.

Keep it sexy,

Five years, more than 700 blogs, 50 videos, 40 podcasts, 3 events, 2 ebooks and 1 directory - LTASEX is a self-funded labor of love. If you get value out of LTASEX, consider tossing a couple bucks this way. Your donations help ease the burden on my slender pockets and allow me to spend more time working on new content for you.

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