How to get better in bed after Catholic brainwashing

Religion messes up a lot of stuff; your sex life is one of them.

Religion messes up a lot of stuff; your sex life is one of them.

I’m 26 and have never had sex. For a long time I was waiting for marriage. But, with my recent defection from the Catholic Church and my recent acquisition of a steady girlfriend I’m ready for that to change.

The problem is that since I’ve been so against sex before marriage, I’ve shied away from any and all sexual experiences. I’ve never even kissed someone, let alone gotten to second base.

Because of my lack of experience, I’m very nervous about this whole process. My girlfriend has been really supportive, but her loins are burning and she’s ready to have sex. Can you give me some tips?

Firstly, I would like to say congratulations on deciding to make such big changes in your life. Often we coast through life doing only what we were taught, never daring to do something as drastic as change our political views let alone our religion. You’re being very brave.

When it comes to sex, the most thing to remember is to take your time. Most people start in middle school with their first kiss and slowly work up to full on intercourse about the age of 17. There’s no reason to try and cram all of that life experience in to a few weeks, let alone one night.

I know your girlfriend is putting a bit of pressure on to offer up your dougie for her personal pleasure but she’s just going to have to wait. You need to do this in your own time and only get to intercourse when you’ve become comfortable.

I think you should take the next month as a crash course in everything sex. Spend a lot of time discovering what you like. Start masturbating to find out how to pleasure yourself. Have your girlfriend masturbate in front of you to find out how she likes to be pleasured. Once you’ve got a hang of that, then move on to oral sex. Once you’ve done all of that and spent a month working to make yourself sexually proficient then you should move on to intercourse.

Keep in mind that even after spending this month learning, you’re probably not going to be a porn star right out the gate. It may take you a while of trial and error to get your stroke (rythmic movement of your hips) right, build up your endurance and learn to read the signals that your partner gives off. But with time and bit of genitals on practice, you’ll be getting it in soon enough.

Good luck! Write back with any more questions or to let me know how it goes!

Keep it sexy!

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