Facebook + Sex = Cockroach + Light

By Kevin Knowles

There’s this personal ad I’m writing. It’s aimed towards the kink community, rather than OKC/ POF crowd. I do find it a bit embarrassing to be writing an ad; also to have it so detailed, yet at the same time, I’m not really trying. It’s basically looking for an drunken experience which can happen while sober; chicks making out and junk, but without being able to “blame it on the alcohol”.

It’s supposed to sound serious, because, I guess, I want it to be taken seriously. I mean…It’s nothing that I’m seriously perusing, but when it happens there’s booze involved, right. It’s just girls having fun, blah blah blah. But when we try to pursue it sober…well…I don’t know how to pursue it sober. We just talk about it in terms of “maybe”, and “what if”, you know?

Via facebook, I’ve tried asking two women that I know if they’d be interested. After beating around the bush, I was, kindly, declined. Was told I had a good approach; still got no. First off: Hoping on facebook looking for this was a damn dumb idea, personally. Facebook + Sex = Cockroach + Light. Just too damn tongue in cheek to even explain what I’m trying to do. I get giggles, and awkward moments. There’s an etiquette…somewhere on that site, and I get it: Don’t mention booty unless I’ve already had it, and, wait to be drunkenly messaged for dick at 3am. Cool.

The few female friends who are interested in me (like, 5, and I think I’m being kinda generous) are either, not her type, or not interested in women. She doesn’t really know anyone either. Cool. Whatever, right? Narp. Meeting random women at clubs, parties, whatever…it’s too…umm…random! Very fucking dangerous. Plus without any clue to if the women are interested, it’s also fucking frustrating.

What am I supposed to do? “Me, you, her, naked, now.” Fuck that! I still use my teeth to chew my food. Do you have any idea what it’s like to hear a woman talk about how badly they want to make out with another woman, but not have the metaphorical balls to do anything about it? Being a wing man for a bisexual girl in a kinky relationship just isn’t enough. When it comes down to it, women rejecting other women are absolutely brutal, and don’t be the “pervert” trying to get in on the action. You might as well hand the rejecting party your nuts and leave where ever you are (yes, even your own home).

The crazy shit? Somehow, at some point, the women end up making out. They want to cuddle, they want to experience each other, but when the sun rises, they treat each other how men, stereotypical, treat their one night stands (el shitty). There is no comfort. No affection. No makeup. Probably due to hangovers, but anyway. I guess it’s an experiment to see if the affection can last.

Can we cuddle and do all the couple stuff, comfortably, as three? Champagne wishes; thirty white bitches? Can I get one to make a sandwich while the other does the dishes? Attempting to add a third person to a relationship? Fuck am I doin’?

We’ve discussed how it would work and whatnot. It sounds really pretty and shit when we discuss it, but I’m not sure if I just like what I imagine, or if I’d be pleased obtaining a fantasy. Would it be nice having two women? Or would it be annoying as fuck in the long run?

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