Was I being sexist or am I being sexist?

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Everyone knows women get confused by technology and must retreat to the solace of a waiting salad.

Sexism is a sneaky little bitch. Just when you think you’re a progressive, pro-women guy, you find out you’re harboring subconscious sexist prejudices. At least, that was the experience I had recently.

While watching “Ted” on my laptop with my roommate and his female friend, the friend went to move the cursor off the screen. When that didn’t get it to go away, she then adjusted it again. From there things got awkward. First, I corrected her by saying that the pointer would disappear on its own. I was wrong. Then, when we she reached out to move it one more time, I reflexively reached out and grabbed her wrist and moved it away from the touchpad.

After I moved her hand like she was an annoying child, I apologized but was considerably shaken. As I told you, I like to think of myself as a progressive, pro-women kind of guy. Therefore, I don’t ever want to come face-to-face with the reality that I am a part of the patriarchal establishment. But I did and that meant I had to unpack what it meant for me.

It took me a while to get to the real lesson learned by my dismissive and rude gesture. To be quite honest, I’m conflicted about if I actually have. Let me explain…

In the time since the incident, I’ve talked it over with several people who I consider to have a good head on their shoulders. From those conversations, I have decided that I no longer need to keep kicking myself for being a sexist ass. What a twist! Just (hopefully) not in a shitty “give me my money back M. Night Shyamalan” sort of way.

From the very beginning, I was more than willing to roast my own chestnuts on an open fire for perpetrating what I initially thought was a rude gesture wrought with latent sexism. But, I’ve come to realize that I wasn’t being sexist. I was rude in my “slightly” intoxicated state but never once was there a thought or, more importantly, feeling, concerning her gender. That is, until I recoiled in fear.

It’s no secret that I have oftenfallen prey to insecurities on my journey to becoming a better, more sex positive person. Once again, I was so blinded by my desire to be a sex-positive ninja that I didn’t see what I was actually doing.

Even though I just yelled at women for vilifying male sexuality, it seems that I was doing a bit of it to myself. I immediately jumped to the idea that I was the villain. Would I have done that if I was a woman?

Now, I’m aware that this seems like a clean and simple answer to complex issue. But I looked in the opposite direction and never felt like the solution rang true. Who knows, maybe I’m still blinded; letting myself off the hook easily would be a great way to ease my guilt. But there’s no way for me to know for sure.

To solve this problem once and for all, I throw it out to you sexy people. Was I being sexist by moving my roommate’s friend’s hand like an annoying pet? Did I commit a heinous crime against Woman-ity or is this another case of me being too hard on myself?

I’m going to drop the topic for now, I’m exhausted from running in this guilt spiral for the last few days. Let me know your thoughts in the comments section below.

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