Ideas to help you try out BDSM play (for beginners)

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Fifty Shades of Grey may not have been everything it was made out to be. But it is inspiring lots of people, who are normally pretty vanilla, to try out some BDSM. While I’m not usually excited about people randomly jumping on fads, I’m totally cool with people stepping out of their comfort zone and making their sex a little more Neapolitan.

Here are a few quick ideas to start playing around with BDSM. But before you don your leather and latex, check out this post for basic BDSM safety tips. It's not exhaustive but it'll keep you from hurting yourself.

Blindfold/Headphones (aka Sensory Deprivation)

All six (not a typo) senses play a huge role in how we perceive sex play. Taking away one or two of our less important ones, sight and sound, will allow the others to burn hotter than normal. Since your senses of touch, smell, taste and whatever you like to call our sixth sense are all more important to getting it on, that’s definitely not a bad thing.

What you’ll do is have one person lay down with the blindfold and headphones on. You want headphones that block out as much sound as possible and either a dedicated blindfold or a t-shirt, pulled up over the bottom's face. The headphones should probably play music to drown out any noise that may leak in but it's not necessary.

You’ll also want to grab some scraps of fabric and body-safe toys with interesting textures. Your breath, hands, lips, finger tips, finger nails, hair, feathers, silk, nylon, wool, leather and metal are all generally available and feel awesome when lightly grazed over anxious skin.

While this doesn’t have to lead anywhere penetrative, it is excellent foreplay. Consider starting with the touching then leaving the blindfold and headphones on for some oral, vaginal, anal, HJ, 69, finger banging, etc.

Top - While the bottom is sans sight and related sound, the top should sort of flit around the bottom; you want to create a sense of mystery, the bottom shouldn’t know where you are in the room. Each time you roll back in, use a different texture or touch a different location to surprise your bottom. You should be lightly grazing the object over their skin/nipple/genitals. Soft, quick and sudden motions can be very exciting when you don’t see or hear them coming.

Bottom – Relax, the sensations will probably be intense. Try not to move or remove your headphones/blindfold. Try to stay still… as still as you can. Getting past your natural twitches is part of the mental fun of BDSM. Be vocal about what you like and don’t. If you try out a texture and it makes your dick soft (metaphorically, for about 50% of you) don’t use that one.

Spanking

As a kid, a firm hand to your backside was the worst. But as you've grown up, you've become more amenable to things that are not 100% pleasurable.

How gross was beer/wine the first time you tried it? How harsh was your cough when you first tried weed? How much money did you spend taking classes to get your degree? But then you got drunk, high or that job you wanted and it was worth it. It's all a matter of persistence and perception.

Spanking isn't any different than the rest of the BS we put ourselves through because it feels good.

Here, you'll need nothing more than a firm hand and an exposed booty-butt-cheek. But as you get more into it, paddles, whips, flogs, riding crops, belts and spatulas are all up for spanks. For now stick with your hand. You're much less likely to hurt someone with one of the tools above, if you learn what the pain feels like and what your bottom enjoys.

Pick a spot that's comfy and lay your bottom down. Face down, ass up is always a good choice. But bent over your knee or holding onto a bed post is cool too.

Top - Start by caressing your bottom's bottom to awaken the nerves. Next grab the cheek firmly, pinch the skin with the pads of your fingers or tap quickly and lightly to get the blood flowing. After your bottom's bottom is primed, then you can spank. Start slowly, working your way up in intensity.

Bottom - Be patient with your body. You probably haven't had anyone's hand touch your ass this way in many years and, back then, it was punishment. It may take you a while to wrap your head around why the sensation is pleasurable. Try to stick with it unless it makes your vagina dry (metaphorically for 50% of you) or it actually hurts.

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