A Complete History Of My Sexual Failures - Review

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As a kid, whenever I was feeling down, my grandmother would tell me to make the best out of a bad situation.  It never made me feel better, but I always found ways to make lemonade.  

I wonder what Chris Waitt’s grandmother gave him as advice because he decided to take his lemons and shove them into the open, festering wounds of all the women that’d been unfortunate enough to date him since middle school. I guess that wasn’t such a bad plan because from all the searing pain and, drunken, Viagra fueled tirades; A Complete History of My Sexual Failures was born.

He had a simple plan, to interview his ex-girlfriends so that he could answer two questions:

1)      Why he is still single?

2)      Why has every girl he ever dated dumped him?

It’s a simple premise, shared by studio films like High Fidelity and Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. A recently single man learns the error of his ways from the perspective of his former lovers.  However, this film is not a polished Hollywood blockbuster, but instead a documentary, which is made exponentially more complex by the fact that none of his 20+ ex-girlfriends will talk to him.

It’s very difficult to make a film about your failed love life if all your former lovers would rather take a bath in acid than see you again. In desperation, Waitt resorts to ambush style guerrilla filmmaking. He hoped that he could catch one of his victims off guard. Unfortunately, all of his ex-girlfriends are on full alert when comes to Chris. 

After failing for the second time, Waitt recruits his mother to help find a willing participant. Luckily, she seems to have a better track record with Chris’ ex-girlfriends. She is able to recruit the first reluctant participant and set Chris’ film off in the, questionably, right direction.

All of the women in Waitt’s life seem to have a clear understanding of what’s wrong with him. Yet he seems to be in shock when he hears the news that he is an inconsiderate, dirty, poor, and impotent “ass.”

Chris Waitt has led a life that is absurd on levels that words cannot describe. Through the eyes of his ex-girlfriends you quickly begin to understand just why he’s always being dumped. Stories like “You kissed my mother,” “You told people I was your sister instead of your girlfriend,” and “the sex was terrible,” are the nicer complaints. Yet they still paint a very clear picture of Waitt’s ineptitude.

A Complete History of My Sexual Failures delivers everything you want from a comedy/romance/documentary. With more laugh-out-loud moments than any Hollywood version could muster. The result is s not a clever, well-polished masterpiece but it does appease our sick appetites. Watching someone’s personal life sink into the depth of despair should be shameful but you will be laughing too hard to notice. 

I would definitely recommend A Complete History of My Sexual Failures to anyone who loves a bit of schadenfreude. Well, that or you simply want to see some wacky Brit do a bunch of crazy stuff. Personally, I enjoyed I more for the second reason.

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