If, by chance, I was stripped naked then tied to a chair with rope while being interrogated by an asthmatic, blood crying evil mastermind middleman with a nondescript European accident and forced to pick a word to describe the Sue Johanson Head Honcho masturbation sleeve, I would say, “Meh.” I would then follow that statement up with a rant that would begin with, “Why the fuck didn’t you just ask me that instead of recreating the best scene from the 21st James Bond film, Casino Royale?”
In case that 2 sentence paragraph has you struggling to follow along, this is a less than enthusiastic review of the Sue Johanson Head Honcho male masturbation sleeve, which was provided by our friends Eden Fantasys. (Yes, you can still visit them for sex toys and use our coupon code SZZ for 15% off your order.)
Even though, in that scenario, I would have been under duress when asked about my feelings on the Sue Johanson, they still ring true. “Meh” is the word of the evening and you will see it used to describe every aspect of this unsurprisingly mediocre product.
I had an inkling that this review would be bumpy when I opened the shipping container to find that it had no box or packaging. Yes, I know I praised the Rainbow G glass dildo for not coming with packaging, but that was a great product at a great price. This is not. Don’t misunderstand, the $18.99 price tag is very low, but so is the overall quality, which defeats the purpose.
The Sue Johanson is not very well designed. It’s made to look like a vagina but it looks more like the sandworm from Dune. It’s quite scary… well not scary but not inviting either. I did dig that it was clear and I could see my dick sliding in and out, but the visual benefit is minimal.
It’s only 5 inches long with a closed end. It’s supposed to be “super stretchy,” to accommodate most penis sizes. It was stretch, but only widthwise.
Lengthwise, it doesn’t stretch at all when in use. Guys that are average, or above, in penis length will probably find the heads of their dicks being smashed against the closed end. Mine did and it was quite uncomfortable. If I ever use it again, which is doubtful, I will perform a little bit of surgery and remove that piece of plastic.
Unfortunately, if I were to cut off the piece of plastic I will ruin the only positive thing about the product. With a closed end, my cum and any excess lube stays inside the sleeve, which makes cleanup quite easy. I was able to turn it inside out for a thorough clean using only soap and water. Since the material of the toy is porous, I recommend that you use an antibacterial soap to stave off anything growing on your toy.
The product page for the Sue Johanson Head Honcho says that it is made of TPR Silicone. I’m not a fan. The Sue Jo felt nice, better than just a hand, but nothing to write home about it. (That euphemism seems oddly placed in a sex toy review.) I would have liked to try a different texture to see if it made a difference.
If you are looking for a toy that will last a while, this is probably not it. I was concerned about its durability from the moment I held it in my hand. It feels cheap, like a toy that you get from a gumball machine. I know that $18.99 is a fraction of what I would pay for a Fleshlight or Tenga Flip Hole, but if I’m only getting a fraction of the pleasure and quality then I’m not saving anything.
Overall, the Sue Johanson Head Honcho masturbation sleeve is meh. It’s just so mediocre that I can’t even fake the enthusiasm that normally comes without trying. I would love to recommend it some broke college kids who want to upgrade their masturbation playbook, but I just can’t. I say you should just save up some cash and spend $50 for a lower end Fleshlight. You’ll be much more satisfied with your purchase.