How to avoid putting out the wrong signals in your text messages


Everyone has their own unique brand of flirting. Some like to choose the coy approach others are more aggressive and like to seek and destroy (the pussy). Often these different styles are completely incompatible. I learned this lesson very recently when I met a guy whose slick talkin’ Detroit swag collided my calm and reserved suburban anti-swag.

It was an interesting situation, I thought he was quite sexy, but didn’t really let on. He thought I was sexy and that was his only topic of conversation. My technique made him think that I wasn’t into him. His technique made me think all he wanted was sex, which is fine but when talking I generally like something with a bit more substance. Sure, I thought his whole shtick was charming in a hood Rupert Everett sort of way, but after two days of awkwardly dancing around the topic, I was ready to walk away. Then I figured, “what would I lose by expressing what I’m thinking?” So, I did.

Here’s the conversation verbatim:

Him: im so horny and im thinking about you

Me: I’m so tired and thinking about bed.

Him: dame ok I always try 2 be nice and let you no im feeling you but you always trun me down

Me: I have never turned you down. I just make you try harder than telling me how cute I am and how horny you are.

Him: imean ok

Me: I think from the one picture I’ve seen, that you’re sexy… but do I keep telling you that? I engage you in conversation and allow you to steal my attention as a way to let you know I’m interested.

Him: o ok didnt no that o imean shit i just wanna get 2 no yu my dog imean how can i do that

Me: Patience… and attention.

Him: i guess i just really need a coool friend and a sex buddy but im just dnt no how

Me: You just relax. I mean your eagerness is kinda adorable but it’s off-putting at the same time.

Him: 4show yu up front and i like that

This short conversation saved a potential relationship. After we had this conversation, he quieted down that whole “baby, baby, you so fine” act and I made sure that my intentions and desires were as clear as a stripper’s Lucite heels. Because of that, our later chats have been going swimmingly.

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So how can you tell when you are a victim of a flirtatious miscommunication? Well, it’s really easy. All you have to do is watch what happens. When you flirt, you’re showing interest and hoping for a reply in kind. If you are throwing out cues and the other person is not getting them or not replying in the way you intended, then you may be having a flirtatious miscommunication. If the person on your date keeps asking if you’re bored when you’re having fun, you’re probably experiencing a flirtatious miscommunication. If you both go home alone at the end of the night, when you were both throwing signals back and forth, you are definitely experiencing a flirtatious miscommunication.

If you’re experiencing a flirtatious miscommunication, what can you do to salvage an otherwise good interaction? The best thing for you to do is simply acknowledge the problem. If you’re feeling awkward then chances are that they’re feeling the same way. Being open and honest in broaching the topic will win you major brownie points and stop your relationship from going off the rails before it has even left the station. You’re early in your relationship and it’s important to build as much good juju as possible. Letting these little issue fester can turn the whole thing sour, and we don’t want that.

We all have our moves, but sometimes those moves… well they suck. We often don’t realize it, because we never experience our own flirting. If you often find yourself in a situation of flirtatious miscommunication, then you might want to reevaluate your techniques. If people think that you’re disinterested, make sure to stress your interest. If people think that you’re too eager, fall back and play it cool. There is no science to flirting, and no easy way to do it right. Try a ton of different options until one works.

Dating is essentially a series of awkward moments. It is easy to let those moments become the whole of your experiences… but it doesn’t have to be. If you pay attention to the cues and speak up at the right time, you can overcome a flirtation miscommunication and head forth to an awesome relationship.

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