I was wondering how soon is too soon to have sex with a guy. I’m ok with having sex on the first date, but I’ve always been told you should make them wait. What do you think?
This is one where I can’t give you a solid answer, but I can tell you what I do/what works for me. Generally, I just go for it when I feel it right. For some people that means that I jump their bones on the first night, or I make them wait. What makes the difference is the person. If the person I’m on a date with makes me feel like I want to fuck them, I will. If they give me pause, then I won’t. However, I have a more laid-back attitude about dating. I’m not so worried that every interaction will lead to a relationship.
If you are worried that you might be a one night stand then you need to use your own judgment. The problem is that people who are just trying to get in your pants will be as charming and suave as they need to be.
Most people will be nervous on first date, that nervousness can be your friend. Little things clumsiness, stumbling, and sweating are all good indicators of a person’s internal conditions. These may not always ring true but if you make sure to pay attention to the subtle cues people give off so you can get a clue to their intentions.
One thing to keep in mind is that the reason why people don’t call back the morning after has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their guilt surrounding sex. What people want/do and what they think they should want/do is often completely different; this causes internal conflict. For those who are psychologically inclined you could say it is the id versus the super-ego.
People will do what the hell they want to do, especially if they think no one is watching, they’ll just feel guilty as hell about it. People don’t like feeling guilty, so they find ways to soothe their guilt and justify their behavior. One very common way people justify their sexual behavior is by transferring responsibility for it onto someone else.
What do people say when they talk about sex they regret or feel conflicted about? “She gave it up on the first night, clearly she’s a hoe.” What they are really saying is “It’s not my fault. She is such a slutty McWhore pants that she seduced me. I was a helpless field mouse caught in the sights of that tramp.” In this sort of rationalization, there is no room for people to hold themselves accountable. No matter how fucked up this system is, this is just a symptom of a larger problem; A problem that I am too hungover to delve into.
To answer your question, Honestly, it’s all a matter of what you want out of the interaction. If you are just playing the field then who gives a damn. If you want a relationship conventional wisdom says to wait, but that is not absolute. You have to make your own assessment based on the specific person. Just keep in mind that people are more good than they are bad. Most people are just as lost as you are awkwardly stumbling their way through life. 99% of the people you will meet are not out to use you. Relax.
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