How to get the sex and relationship of your dreams

There was recently a story going around about a guy in NYC who was leaving business card in women’s magazines with his name, phone number and handwritten message that read:


[“I am a single white male, 45 years old, 5’9” tall, who wants to give oral sex to a woman, 18 to 59, any race, ethnicity, nationality, religion. I want to satisfy your carnal lust by giving you powerful orgasms.”]

Many people in the media treated the story as if this is a problem. I sincerely don’t see it as one.

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John Westwood is a man like many others who likes to eat pussy. Many men and women enjoy the sensory explosion of putting your eyes, nose and mouth that close to the vagina. Many can’t enjoy a thrilling experience such as this often enough. Clearly, Mr. Westwood is among those men. Admittedly, this is the first time I have heard of anyone distributing flyers for their cunnilingus services, but there is a first time for everything… right?

While his methods a tad unconventional, and in the time of craigslist might seem a nigh prehistoric, I think he’s on to something. One of the many reasons people site for not being sexually satisfied in relationships is because they are either not getting enough, or the right kind of sex they want. How else do you get the sex that you want but by asking for it?

It is very rare that you meet someone you click with sexually, without a bit of work. I can’t tell you how many times someone has not walked up to me and offered to fuck me rough and treat me like a slut then go make me a sandwich. In most sexual situations, I find myself forced into taking the initiative to make sure that we both have the best sex possible. John is just taking that initiative one-step further.

I have said it a million times and I will keep saying it, a closed mouth doesn’t get fed. You have to be willing to ask for what you want in life. If you’re lactose intolerant would you suffer with whole milk in your coffee? Probably not. You would look that smug little barista bitch in the eye and say “Look bitch, I’m Rick James and Rick James want’s some of that bourgeois ass soy milk... and some crack.” You’d then proceed to lick the entire side of her face, turn around and walk away. So why couldn’t you walk up to your sex partner look them dead in the eye and say “Look bitch I’m Rick James and Rick James needs a face full of coochie. Give it to me baby.”

A big barrier for people asking for the things they desire is an unwillingness to be vulnerable. This is not healthy. In order to have a healthy and happy life you have to be willing to embrace all facets of the human condition and that includes the dull nag of vulnerability. If you can’t handle vulnerability then you can’t handle love, sex, relationships, job interviews, trying, making a leap of faith, being interesting, nor being happy. That leaves you relegated to being a grey blob, a lifeless shell that lacks anything distinguishing or even slightly interesting. In other words, you become a politician towing the party line and refusing to have an individual vote for fear your particular party may ostracize you. Even worse you live your entire life without pussy smeared on your face.

I’m not just talking out of my ass here. Psychologist Brene Brown recently gave a talk at the TED conferences where she talked about this very issue. It just so happens that I’ve embedded that below.

This is a problem and it seems Mr. Westwood has found a solution. From now on, I don’t want to open a magazine that doesn’t have a note from someone offering me sexual favors. Hand jobs in ELLE, cuddling in Wired, fisting in Entertainment Weekly, donkey punching in Elite Equestrian. I think he’s just stumbled upon a way to save print journalism. I’d like to see you try and slide a sex advert inside an Amazon Kindle without being noticed.

Since we’re celebrating asking for what we want, I think it only fair that John Westwood of New York City get some publicity for his oral services.


Ladies show the man some love.

Keep it sexy,


Five years, more than 700 blogs, 50 videos, 40 podcasts, 3 events, 2 ebooks and 1 directory - LTASEX is a self-funded labor of love. If you get value out of LTASEX, consider tossing a couple bucks this way. Your donations help ease the burden on my slender pockets and allow me to spend more time working on new content for you.

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