How religions use shame to destroy your relationships and sex life

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I hate religion. I badly want to rant and vent my anger about a discussion on abortion I just had this evening… but I just can’t. My fingers keep hovering over the keyboard, refusing to tap down to type the next set of words in queue. I’m angry, that’s for sure, but I know that my anger is not really an effect of the conversation. Therefore ranting would be misguided if not foolish. Instead I will just say what needs to be said about the subject the needs to be talked about.

As far as I can tell my life’s work is to help advocate and spread education about sexuality. In my line of work, religion is a huge roadblock. Next to a dire lack of education, religion is the single largest issue which inhibits rational discussions about anything and especially sexuality. I don’t think it’s possible to overstate the effects of religion on healthy sexuality.

To illustrate how big of a problem it is I would like you to imagine an elephant. This elephant is neon lavender in color and spiked. Surrounding this elephant is a Nile shaming moat filled with sharks with freaking laser beams. This elephant has a reverse Midas touch, so instead of gold it turns things into shit. One of its favorite pastimes is to travel all around the world touching things.  

People come to me all the time with issues that are, at their very core, symptoms of their prescribed/subscribed religion. For example, Pregnant teens that were only taught abstinence because, “it’s God’s way”; adult women who have never touched their own vaginas because it’s “sinful”; or adult men who have never had a successful relationship because they only know relationships to be an inevitable precursor to marriage. Trying to help people in situations like those makes me feel as if I’m going toe to toe in the ring with a brick wall. The entire situation is frustrating and disheartening for all parties involved.

Sexuality is and will always be at odds with religion. A large part of organized religion is controlling your behaviors… but only behaviors that are pleasurable; what you can eat, fuck, lust after, wear, etc. If you don’t abide by not eating shellfish or fucking before you are legally married or lusting after the hot dude on TV or keeping your hair covered then you are shamed into compliance.

Shame is a powerful tool for social animals, such as humans. While shame is not solely relegated to use by the religious sect, it is used too often and without concern for its tidal wave of effects. Those saddled with shame cannot progress while branded with idea that if they were to have an independent thought or step out of line with what the group wants they are begging for reprimand. Reprimand in this case is word that means you could lose everything and everyone that makes you who you are, and that’s if you are not in situation where your life is danger.

For all its major shortcomings, religion will always persevere due to its confidence boosting and highly emotional nature. It feels good to believe you will always have someone in your corner. It feels even better to believe that you have the roadmap to your life and afterlife. Because it feels good on such a primal level, it is understandable that people will forget or overlook rationality in exchange for faith. As with all self-esteem boosting activities, people will fight tooth and nail to maintain the faith, no matter how irrational they know it to be. We can equate this to people who know they shouldn’t smoke cigarettes, but do anyways because nicotine gives you a similar sense of serenity to that of faith.

People come to people like me for help, but I can’t always help them. Some will say that I get too involved because not being able to help hurts me to my core, I would disagree. I want do something more but I am one man trying to take on a colossus. I recognize the limits of my abilities and that is distressing. However, I am nothing if not persistent, resilient and stubborn.

So let me say this. Sex in and of itself is not detrimental to anyone. However, it’s saddled with so much baggage that it has mutated into a dirty, disgusting, repulsive, despicable act that few are proud to be a part of. However, I am.

I’m here to tell you that your natural inclinations are ok. There is nothing wrong with you. It is everyone else who fucked up. They are polluted with misogynistic, dire, singular, tyrannical, loveless, false, and utterly psychologically detrimental religious versions of sexuality. I do not make these allegations lightly because I understand that poking the angry religion bear is not a good idea. Unlike most people who fear a backlash I welcome it with open orifices, because I know it means I am doing something right.

For those who read this and have come looking help, no matter what your issue, I am here. Even as I fight the puppet master, I will never lose sight of my real mission: To help spread honest information about sexuality that is psychologically, biologically and socially advantageous. You never need to worry or be ashamed about anything you’ve done, are doing, will do, or want to do. Just know that I cannot help you unless you ask for it.

Five years, more than 700 blogs, 50 videos, 40 podcasts, 3 events, 2 ebooks and 1 directory - LTASEX is a self-funded labor of love. If you get value out of LTASEX, consider tossing a couple bucks this way. Your donations help ease the burden on my slender pockets and allow me to spend more time working on new content for you.

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