Of all the annoying things people in relationships do, complaining about and staying in deadend relationships is the most bothersome. People tend to say things like, “but I love him” or, “I should give her a second chance.” Then I will reply, “well love is not enough to sustain a healthy relationship” or, “I think you mean 40th chance.” But no matter what you say, they'd rather hold out hope that things will get better.
The problem here is that many of these relationships are ones that ill advised in the first place. But because their blinded by lust they take the leap. Once they taken the leap, people often become increasingly oblivious to the faults in their own relationships until they end. It's a terribly annoying cycle but we can't be too mad because it's all grounded in our fear of being alone.
Here's the rub, all relationships will end. They meet their demise with a bang or whisper. I would like to think that people know and can accept the approaching end of a relationship. However, we all know that saying goodbye is hard. Because of this, many people end up coasting in crumbling relationships until something, such as a spectacular blow up, forces them apart. Your relationship does not have to end like that.
There are, usually, signs when a relationship is coming to a natural end. People will often become colder, stop talking, and start arguing or fighting constantly. If your relationship is one where these things are normal (let us hope not) then you may see a decrease in fighting or arguing and indifference may begin to settle in.
If there is one thing that can blind us to these billboards, it is love. This is a major problem for people. Love, even past love, can still linger until hate, resentment and indifference push it out completely. This may be why many relationships that could have coasted to a natural finale end up imploding instead.
To get around love’s pesky blinders, you need to be honest with yourself about what it is that you are feeling. Why did you get into this relationship? Why are you still in this relationship? What benefits outweigh the negatives?
If your answer is, “love”, you should reevaluate. Are you still attracted to this person? Have you begun to hate their smell, walk, or voice? Do you cringe when they touch you? Are you spending less and less time with them? Have things changed, more dramatically than the normal ebb and flow? Are the quirks you once found endearing becoming enraging.
If so then it may be time to cut your losses, make a clean break and save what is left of your friendship.
Often when I suggest that a couple should break up I am accused of being pessimistic. I am not. I simply understand that not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime. If the one you are in has reached its natural end then put it down, don’t let it suffer.
Think of your relationship like a pet… that has terminal cancer. Would you rather say your goodbyes and euthanize him or allow him to suffer for months slowly dying an unnecessarily painful death?
It is important to know the difference between temporary disputes and irreconcilable differences. You do not want to end every relationship because it hits a rough patch. On the other hand, holding on to a relationship that is spinning out will only serve to scar both of you. If you came into the relationship a friends it is possible to remain so afterwards, but it is unlikely to happen if you refuse to stop the bleeding.
Making the decision to end any relationship will take a lot of strength. Even though you may not feel it at the time, this is for the better. Save your friendships, sanity and time. Do not allow a poison relationship to infect you.
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