Today while I was in my favorite sub shop, I met a girl who had a problem. Her problem was that she'd met a complete stranger, me, and was about to spill her dirtiest secret to him. Luckily for her she picked the right stranger.
I will spare you from sifting through the emotional vomit she spat onto my shoes but the summary is that she'd cheated on her boyfriend of two years with Some Latin Guy (SLG) from her job. I say "Some Latin Guy" because during this 25min non-stop out-pouring of crazy she referred to him as having come from every country south of and including Mexico.
I think it was mainly because he can't speak English and she can't speak Spanish/Portuguese but none the less.
What she wanted from me was to help her decide whether to tell her boyfriend or not. I think we all know what I told her... Shut your fucking mouth.
There is literally NO reason why, at this point, she needs to tell Boyfriend anything. The way she explained it to me, SLG is keeping his non-English speaking mouth shut, as far as she knows she hasn't caught syphilis or a fetus and she's set a appointment to get checked for any STIs and pregnancy. She's doing everything she needs to do.
However, if Boyfriend asks, she needs to spill it. If she caught something, she needs to spill it. If she finds out she's knocked up with Some Half Latin Baby by Some Latin Guy, bitch better sing. In every other circumstance she needs to zip her lips with a padlock and stop talkin' all that blah, blah, blah!
Telling Boyfriend will only help her to feel better, and him to feel like shit. If it doesn't murder her already tumultuous relationship it will at the very least send a pair of jet liners through their proverbial twin towers of love.