Your First Time

There are several topics that I have yet to cover, for various reasons. Usually I think I’m not knowledgable enough, or that my personal biases may sway or impassion my writing in a negative way. Virginity is one of those topics that I felt that I needed more time to stew and formulate my ideas, but I think it’s time.

Before I go any further I would like to make a plea for a change in nomenclature. When you have sex for the first time, you are said to be losing your virginity and the person who “deflowered” you took. Understand this is not a game of Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh, drag racing for pinks, nor Casino Royale style poker. You are having sex; nothing is being taken from anyone involved. I know that sex, especially the first time, can make you feel awkward, dirty or ashamed but know that you are doing nothing wrong; your feelings, thoughts, and desires, are all normal things that everyone else has felt in your situation.

No matter how prepared you are when you have sex for the first time you will find yourself confronted with a metric ass-ton (I think that’s the scientific term) of emotions. More than anything else, what can make the largest difference in how you feel afterwards is how well your partner responds to your needs immediately and for the days following. Most people lose their virginity in high school, so it’s not like you really have time to lay around cuddling and talking about what just happened. Especially when you’re terrified your mom is going to come home early from work.  This means that you have to work with what you have to ensure that your experience is the best it can be.

Wait until your parents are on vacation or some other time where you can just have to whole day to enjoy it. Never just jump into it; being drunk will not help you in anyway it only serves to make you feel more guilty in the morning. Prom, house parties, the empty auditorium, behind the bleachers are all terrible ideas as they are all uncomfortable forced locations that are best suited for the experienced.

If you leave high school without having sex, your first time has greater of chance of being a really positive experience. Not because the people are any better, in fact I would venture to say they are way shittier, but if you’re living away from home you have your own space. More than that you have the logistical freedom to carve out a moment where you can cuddle and talk before and after.

I am a strong believer that sex is no place for ego. It is most important to remember this when you are having sex for the first time. Men have a tendency to believe that they must be stoic, women think they’ve got to be cute, but this is the time where you should forgo all that in favor of being open and honest about how you feel. In the nude, together or  alone, you are no more than a human at its most vulnerable satisfying a need you don’t understand. So if you feel sad, uncomfortable, tired, hungry, happy, nervous, excited, or just ready you should be able to express that to the person you having the experience with. If you can’t do that then maybe you shouldn’t be having sex yet, or with this particular person.

I keep saying “person” and that may lead you to believe that I am against more people being present for the event, I am not. I lost my virginity in a three-some with two of my friends and it was awesome. However, everyone is not me; I understand that most people are going to be having this experience with a boyfriend or girlfriend. I just wanted to make sure that people having similar experiences to mine know that they are included.

The act itself is the least important part of the entire event. I doubt you were good at riding a bike, driving, or even using an iPhone on first try so you’re not going to be good at this. Don’t stress yourself out trying to perform. Just enjoy yourself, explore, touch, taste, smell and get an overall sense of who you are sexually, your wants, and likes.

After sex it is important to talk about the experience with your partner. If you have gotten the experienced traveler, then they should be soothing your fears and uncertainty. If you are both first timers then you should be discussing your feelings truthfully. As I stated before, this is one time where you need to be real. You must express how you feel and let your partner help you to understand what’s going on in your brain. A year after your first time, you won’t remember the awkwardness or the little things you didn’t like. You will remember the moments before and after, how you felt, what you thought, what was said and what wasn’t.

Please remember that this moment is important; it will leave a mark on all your future sexual relationships. I don’t want to scare those of you yet to partake, just know that you should do it right. You should also know that “right” is relative. If you think getting gang fucked by all of the forty thieves would be most comfortable for you then go for it. If you think you want to have it be “special” with someone you love then go for it. If you make the best decision possible, you can’t possibly choose wrong.

I want to know, how was your first time? Where, what, when, and who? Any advice for those loosing theirs soon? If you want to share your virginity stories share them on the forums.


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